At some point, I will learn to take a hint and will put my ass to sleep.
I’m not good at taking this hint. I save non-stop memes about resting and soft life and taking your time, and I am still sleep-deprived and upset with myself for not doing more.
I’ve been sick for the past few days, and I’m one of those folks who completely loses their mind/sense of time when they’re sick. I’ve technically only been sick for a week, have only really forced my self to rest for three or four non-consecutive days , and it feels like I’ve been sick forever. It feels like everyone is outside and I am inside. It feels like I’m wasting time in bed, when in reality, I’ve been extremely bad about sitting my ass down and properly resting. Every time I’ve slept early or taken a nap, I’ve followed it up by immediately going too hard and trying to ‘catch up’ on all the shit I need to do (laundry, emails, vacuuming, market plans, dishes, whatever). And I wonder why it’s not working!!! Go the fuck to sleep!!!
There are a lot of things I can say about sleep and resting, but to be honest, most of it feels futile. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the reminder (if I didn’t, I wouldn’t save so many memes and posts about it). I just know that sometimes, it hits me like a pile of bricks and I feel a renewed sense that I need to be more gentle with myself and take more naps; other times, it hits like a pile of bricks and then sits useless on the floor while I continue to stay up rechecking my email in bed.
If you, dear reader, are anything like me, you already know to divest from capitalism and reject grind culture. You know that sleep is healing, sleep is powerful, sleep helps your skin look better and your gains to become more powerful. It’s a magic wand! The only true elixir we have! We don’t do enough of it! We need to lie down!
You don’t need to hear all that. I don’t need to hear all that. This is not a guilt trip. This is a warm bed, cozy and inviting. Outside (in the Southern Hemisphere), it’s cold and nippy outside, but inside you have the perfect nest of pillows and blankets to lay your head down on. You didn’t need to do anything to ‘deserve’ this rest, this is your right. This is your access to dreaming. This is waiting for you whenever you want it.
Rest well. Good night.